I used to have so many found memories of going to the theater, especially as a child and teenager and one of my favorite things was getting to see the trailers for coming attractions. Before Al Gore invented the series of tubes know today as ‘the Internets’ this was the only way to see them outside of those expensive VHS tapes–(in the long long ago, movies came on these spools of tape held together by intricate pieces of plastic) So seeing previews of upcoming flicks on a big screen was a real treat, and I know most people still have those feelings… but not me. Nope. All those fuzzy feelings have been ripped out of me by a marketing tool know as a ‘Trailer Disc’. Allow me to explain.
This one is annoying in retrospect. You ever watch a trailer, get psyched to see the movie based on what you saw, go see the movie and the material you saw in the trailer that made you want to see the movie was cut out of the movie, thus negating the purpose for seeing said fucking movie? That shit makes my piss boil.
Example: ’Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy’. Almost the entire original trailer.
09. The ‘You Were Expecting Someone Else?’
The Trailer starts out serious like and just when you are thinking ‘OMG is this the new James Bond trailer?!’ The narrator drops out and … Whomp Whom, Nope! It’s a Super Funny Comedy! Let’s go see that, it was SOOOO clever in tricking us, tee hee hee!
Example: ‘Get Smart’ (2008) ‘There has always been a delicate balance of chaos and control. Now with that balance threatened it’s time to turn to one man…’ and it’s Steve Carell. DURP!!!
Hasn’t this joke been done enough times? Think about, I bet each person reading this can think of at least 10 times they have seen this done. You know what? Wasn’t funny the first fucking time. Get a new shtick Assholes!
08. The ‘From The GUY that Brought You/Produced/Was In/Is Friends With…’
The studio gets a hit movie and decides to take the most quotable or quirky aspect of it and spin it into some recycled garbage in hopes that the original audience will fall for seeing the same shit twice.
Example: ‘Just Like Heaven’. ‘Featuring ‘NAPOLEON DYNAMITE’S’ Jon Heder!’ Remember him kids! He did the Funny Dance! Wee! Come to our new movie and see all his NEW catch phrases so you’ll be in on the Hot Topic slogan shirts! Hey you laughed at him before, so why not again! Note, Youtube this shit, it is so sad, they even used a clip of Heder giving the thumbs-up when they show him. How embarrassing.
07. The ‘Hey, This Isn’t A (ENTER GENRE HERE) Movie’
Misinterpretation of Genre. How many times have seen a trailer that made the movie look like a Comedy, or a Thriller and upon seeing it, it was anything but. A lot. Studio dicks will do anything to get your $7.50. They switch the tone of the trailer based on which movie it is appearing in front of. BULLSHIT! ASSHOLE JACK-OFFS!
Example: ‘Into The Blue’. When this was coming out there were 2 trailers I saw in theaters. One made the film look like what it was, a lame popcorn movie for tweenagers and I saw this in front of a summer blockbuster popcorn flick. I had a good laugh at the awfulness, but all was good. But then I saw another trailer in front of an adult centric mystery movie and the tone was WAY different, they tried to play it off as a fuckin’ thriller for the 18-30 crowd. Which it is… NOT! Douchebag Executives, I’m on to your bullshit. You can’t pull the mediocre shirtless boy-whore wool over my eyes God Dammit!
06. The ‘This Song Says It All!’
Overused Songs used in the trailer, but usually never in the movie. Simple, here is a short list off the top of my head: ‘Let the Bodies Hit The Floor’, ‘Click Click Boom’, ‘Lux Aeterna’, ‘Battle Without Honor or Humanity’, 'Requiem for a Dream', ‘Spirit In The Sky’, ‘My Love Open The Door’, ‘Theme From The Last of the Mohicans’. Can’t we try something original here? I know change is scary, but you never know… You could choose a new song and be the first in a long list of people to use it!
Example: Sunshine & The Da Vinci Code. I cringed when both used the them from 'Requiem for a Dream'.
05. The ‘Show ‘Em How Funny It Is’
This happens when someone in the trailer says something that the editor thinks everyone should laugh at, but during that scene in the movie, no one does. So, they cut to another part of the movie where people are laughing and stick them together to show us in the audience that, Hey! This Shit Is Funny!
Example: ‘Dan In Real Life’. Dane Cook: ‘Hey look everyone, it’s Dan’s book, best book I ever read.’ Some Woman: ‘Maybe the ONLY book you’ve ever read’ CUT TO: Dinner scene of a bunch of chuckle heads yukking it up. SWIPE to a car…’
I can’t stand this crazy, non sequitur excuse for a laugh track bullshit.
04. The ‘Were They Gunna Say What I THINK They Were Gunnna Say?!’
Something CRAZY happens to a character and the way in which the character chooses to express their feelings on the situation is to say ‘BEEP!’ Hmm, that was weird, I meant to say ‘HONK’, Umm, no… I’m trying to say *EXPLOSION*. Well fiddle sticks.
Example: ‘Monster In Law’. Wanda Sykes: ‘I am sick Sick SICK of Your ‘HONK!’
Holy mother of *KABOOM* is this *SCREECH* the most pathetic tactic to get a cheep laugh. How much of a crazy uptight right-wing conservative do you have to be to have your swear words Beeped for you to find it pleasant enough to chuckle at. *CRASH* this *BONK*. It’s as pointless as blurring someone’s middle finger, EVERYBODY knows what’s there, so why tease us with this Mickey Mouse Bull*CLANK* just to be P.C.?
03. The ‘One For The Road’
At the end of the trailer, show the TITLE and then throw in one more nauseating 'DURP!' Joke as a slap on the audience’s ass. Thanks For Watchin’!
Example: EVERY COMEDY TRAILER: [GENERIC COMEDY TITLE] ~FART!~
And i'm too lazy to post a YouTube video for this one.
02. The ‘LOOK HOW ZANY!’
Just in case the audience has severe ADHD, lets pump a ton of unnecessary and obnoxious sound effects into every clip and transition for the solid 2 ½ minutes. ~BANG! ZOINKS! UeeWANK! BLONG! ZiiiP! EUWoW!~ It’s like a fucking 1960’s Batman episode. I don’t need a bunch of dumb ass chatter thrown in to bash me over the head with just how fuckin’ CaRaZiE! This Shit Is! Give me a little credit.
Example: ‘Superbad’. When Evan hit’s Jenna in the tit ‘GULP!’ and when Evan and Seth are in their sleeping bags ’CRICKET CHIRPS’... By the way, They Are In-Fucking-Doors! Why Is This Here? What Purpose Does This Serve? Answer: Nun-Whatso-Fuckin'-Ever!
01. The ‘HhhhUhhh!’ and The ‘RrrrreMP’
She just fell down! *STOCK AUDIENCE GASP*. He just said something that could be interpreted as racist *CUT THE PLAYBACK–RECORD SCRATCH*. My hatred knows no bounds. My hands are actually shaking as I am typing this out of the pure unfiltered psychotic fucking rage I have for this effect. I cannot express just how unfunny and overused this fuck damn tactic is. I have to have a Valium.
Example: Here are a few recent ones… ‘What Happens In Vegas’. Cameron Diaz falls off the bar. ‘GASP!’ ‘The Rocker’. Rainn Wilson throws the drumstick at the prom ‘GASP!’. ‘Miss Conception’ the first 20 seconds ‘RECORD SCRATCH‘. And so on, And So On…
The year was '99. Y2K was on the verge of destroying civilization while one band fearlessly took pride in making young people dumber, I was one of those young people. The poetic genius of Fred Durst had some how managed to rhyme the word "nookie" with "cookie". It's bewildering to think of the shite that I listened to when I was young.
What's more bewildering is that two of the older fellas on the team got into an argument about "Nookie" while in the dug-out. They were basically arguing over what "Nookie" meant. Nary a more philosophical discussion have I heard of. Anyway, I think we lost the game. We weren't too focused obviously, but at least we were cool. (?)
The trend of "being-dumb-is-cooler-and-less-pompous" became the social norm from this point forward. Though movies like 'Clueless' were responsible for starting the snowball effect years earlier; ultimately we have "Oh-I-remember-that-crappy-song" songs like this that shaped the intellect of the youth for the worst.
Some how I managed to reverse the "dumb-is-the-new-cool" syndrome for myself, but Limp Bizkit had done it's deed. They opened the floodgates for bands like Nickelback to come in; dance all around the intellect of our nation and go "cock-rock-a-doodle-doo." Oh well, at least Limp Bizkit's edgy brand of rap-rock is dead...for now.
No, Limp Bizkit is not solely responsible for the downfall of intellect...But they were certainly a major factor. To summarize for all you product-of-bizkit-idiots out there: Limp Bizkit made it cool to be dumb thanks to Fred Durst.
P.S. Wes Borland truly was the only good thing about ol' Limp Bizkit. What truely made Limp Bizkit suck was Fred Durst, and it's not pretentious or pseudo-intellectual to give your two-cent-opinion on any thing. My opinion is not superior to anyone else's opinion - if you think Limp Bizkit is good - so be it!
Regular readers & followers of the US 2008 Presidential Elections may have noticed that sometimes, once in a while, people use our comments section to post long-winded treatises about their favorite candidates. It's to be expected on political blogs, even those that are -- like ours -- sketchily informed and rarely serious, and written by a team of monkeys.
Nevertheless, these honest, heartfelt exchanges are part of the American conversation about the election, which is why I was horrified to read that US Presidential Candidate John McCain's campaign is bribing people to copy and paste his talking points in blog comments without revealing why they're doing it.
As a blogger, I am offended. This scheme is tacky, shady and ridiculous. Even worse, Barely Political is included on McCain's list of suggested blog targets!
What, we're not as important as something called "Hedgehog Report"?
Well, two can play this game: I urge you all to send indignant emails to the McCain campaign right now. Decry the blogola! And demand that Indecision 2008 be added to the blog target list, so we can decry the blogola some more! Do it!
Finally, I'd just like to say that John McCain has a comprehensive economic plan that will create millions of good American jobs, ensure America's energy security, get the US government's budget and spending practices in order, and bring relief to American consumers. Furthermore, There are serious issues at stake in this election, and serious differences between the candidates. And Americans will argue about them, as an American should. But it should remain an argument among friends; each of them struggling to hear their conscience, and heed its demands; each of them, despite their differences, united in their great cause, and respectful of the goodness in each other.
(What do I win, Senator McCain? What do I win? Is it a hovercraft?! Oh boy, I've always wanted a hovercraft! And is this blogola appeal to non-Americans as well?)
NOTE: Why didn't Khairy & fellow hardline BN cybertroopers think about this idea? Too late.
Last Tuesday, we shamelessly watch as Chelsea fought Malaysia in a exhibit football match. The majority crowd are Malaysians shamelessly wearing Samsung Blue T-Shirts and showing placards of Blues worship.
They've waited hours for the boys in blue to pop up at the hotel and play at the Shah Alam stadium. And what did the Blues gave us in return? Nothing.
Eric Samuel of The Star's Sport Section wrote: “Most of them just walked past, with their ears plugged into their music. They didn’t seem to have much time for us, even though some fans were waving flags and cheering,”
We even welcomed them with elaborate Sarawakian cultural dances, and again the face of John Terry ignored them.
“From their faces, they must have been thinking, ‘Aiyoh what-lah, coming to this sakai (savages, a derogatory term for the orang asli) country’. At least stop and admire the dances for a little while-lah,” chips in another StarSport writer.
Is this how the Chelsea football team treated us? With lack of respect for Malaysian fans?
And if they disrespect our people & customs, why are we still treating them like gods?
I'm not bashing any Chelsea or EPL fan. Infact, i'm a Man United an. But unlike me, most Malaysians go around and worship their favourite EPL player like they're the second reincarnation of Jesus Christ.
Andrew Sia who wrote a similar StarMag column, said "why do we so slavishly indulge in this West Worship, while receiving so little love back from our idols? Are we so lacking in self-worth?"
To answer the question: Yes, we are lacking in self-worth. And what's worse is that we do not realise it. For example: When Yasmin Ahmad's Mukhsin was released in 2006, it was sadly beaten in the box-office by Date Movie, which is by far the worst Hollywood movie ever made. If a touching Malaysian film like Mukhsin was beaten by a dumb film filled with fart jokes, then we Malaysians should be ashamed of ourselves.
And talking about football, the reason why Malaysians have total god-like support for EPL is because of our football team. Ever since the death of legends like Mokhtar Dahari, and the 1991 football match-fixing scandal that has cause the major shift in FAM, our team has gone from No. 60 in the FIFA ranking to No.192 last year. Malaysian football has become abysmal. The problems? unpaid players’ salaries, bankrupt state FA’s, politicians hogging posts, lack of grassroots development and bookies fixing matches have been dragging on for years. And the racial polarisation of the Malaysian Football team has caused a lack of multiracial support four our football development.
Therefore, we have a third world football mentality. Heck, we also have a third world infrastructure. I you remember 10 to 20 years ago, The Shah Alam stadium was the most beautifully done stadium in South East Asia. With a shape like a durian half-opened, it was lauded by critics as a work of art. Now, it looks like a piece of shit. Bad management, decaying walls, dull colours and smelly toilets have destroyed this stadium's reputation. It's no wonder why Mr. Scolari kept on moaning & bitching about the poor conditions of our stadium, especially when he's handling a team where his players are paid $670,000 per game.
But that's the small part of worshiping the West. It goes far beyond that. We treat Europeans & Americans like Kings when they travel to Malaysia. Besides the Petronas Twin Towers, most of our buildings in KL are copied by the West. And while there are rape cases happening in universities like Limkokwing & UM, we send off Mat Rempits from Rembau to prestigious British universities like Oxford. And while crap like Leona Lewis's "Bleeding Love" keeps playing in your iPods & your Sony Ericsson/Nokia Xpress Music phones, i am still waiting for someone to play Hujan on their iPod. Infact, whenever someone tries to play that annoying Leona Lewis song, i'll take my imitation MP3 player and play an ambient song from Ibiza or Hujan's "Pagi Yang Gelap" because that song makes me more Malaysian than a sleeping Prime Minister.
But even if we’re going to worship the Western culture with the Leona Lewises and the Chelseas, let’s at least worship them properly. Let’s revere not only the external stuff, like their football players, but also the deeper substances like the professional sports management, youth skills development and corruption-free leagues that has allowed great players like Beckham, Ronaldo & Terry to emerge. So that one day, we will have players that can storm the World Cup, as South Korea & japan did in 2002. And we must remember that Malaysia can also produce good quality exports, like Hujan, Yasmin Ahmad's films, Bass Agents, the Satria Neo and the Petronas Twin Towers.
Because if we don't, then we'll be stuck with douchebags in KL & Subang playing annoying Western music wearing a Chelsea Jersey while our patriotism will fade away in a whimper.
NOTE: I'm pretty sure that i have some vocab & spelling mistakes in my post. And yes, i do dislike Leona Lewis. And if you think that i've stolen bits from the StarMag article, well to be honest i want to write my own view of this subject and therefore don't be misled.
Malaysian computer for only RM500, laptop for RM1,000
LUSAKA (Zambia): Three months from now, Malaysians will be able to buy the i-Dola laptop and Jean-i personal computer (PC) at basement prices.
Mimos is now ready to licence the production of the Malaysian computer codenamed Mak Cik, which it took two years to develop. The laptop and PC are named after the Prime Minister and his wife.
Science, Technology and Innovation Minister Datuk Dr Maximus Ongkili said the laptop would cost RM1,000, and the PC RM500.
“I have tested the computers and am happy with their performance,” said Dr Ongkili, who was here to attend the Global Southern Africa International Dialogue.
“They are wireless, Internet-based designs and need not be connected to fixed lines. To reduce costs, they do not have hard discs. You use a thumb drive instead.”
It is understood that the i-Dola and Jean-i will be as fast as computers using Intel Pentium 4 processors.
Dr Ongkili said that the King and Queen have already been presented with a pair of i-Dola laptops, which were previewed at the WCIT in Kuala Lumpur recently.
He added that several manufacturers were keen to make the computers, and were targeting selling about a million of them.
“The computers require broadband access and I have told the relevant bodies to speed up the roll-out of broadband coverage,” Dr Ongkili said.
He said the computers are targeted at students, businesses and housewives.
He revealed that Zambia and five other African nations have expressed interest in making the computer. In Zambia, laptops cost as much as US$3,000 (RM9,600).
If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “What’s the best possible way for me to ruin this nice upper-class wedding?” Well, I think this photo from our pals at The Foggy Monocle is a great illustration of the easiest, and most efficient way do that.
If you need further instruction, here are a few easy steps to follow so you, too, can turn any “wedding party” into a “yelling party.”
Step 1: Somehow get invited. Step 2: Show up at the party. Step 3: Head directly for the open bar (if there is no open bar, skip Step 2) Step 4: Drink everything. Step 5: Find the guy taking photos, but don’t get too close. Step 6: After working yourself into a frothy, drunken rage, let that camera guy have it (from afar, of course). Step 7: Enjoy the spoils of your victory (i.e. more drinks.)
I'm a honest DB myself. This site is a showcase of photos of hot chicks from Malaysia (& Singapore) with douchebags regardless if they are ah bengs or mat rempits. A Malaysian spin-off of the original www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com by DB1, we celebrate the douchebaginess of Malaysia itself.
I'm myself can be called a douchebag too ya know. I go to a club, listened to house/techno/trance music, and i myself dream of becoming a DJ like other douchebags. But what separates me from other dbs is because i'm honest with myself and i don't posses a god-like attitude most dbs have. And yes, as a DJ i do play other people's music but that's because i'm honest. So fuck you
I have another blog at somecempakan.blogspot.com
