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Tuesday, November 4, 2008

10 Dumb Things i've learned in the US Presidential Elections of 2008

Tonight, after hours of studying & preparing (kinda) for SPM, i've decided to step away from my books and give focus to the biggest attention of all: The US Presidential Elections of 2008.

You see, i've been an avid fan of US politics since 2000. Why? Because like almost none of you, i used to watch CNN(before BBC World & Al-Jazeera), and ever since i started watching CNN like in the age of seven, i've been glued to US politics ever since. When the 2000 Elections kept showing on not just CNN but also TV3 & RTM, i was glued all day just to see the campaigning between Bush & Gore. And here's a sad thing: I supported Bush back in 2000. Sut still, i was a kid.

And when 9/11 came, i was saddened and worse, shocked when i see all my fellow Muslim friends & even family members cheering the fall of the WTC. I was sickened to see that people are cheering the day 3000 people died. Thankfully, people moved on and it was until the day Bush said "Saddam has WMDs in Iraq" that i've diced to oppose Bush to the fullest.

Now, it's 2008 and thankfully, by 2009 the Bush legacy has come to a close. But sadly, the Bush legacy may continue thanks to people like John McCain & Sarah Palin. I endorse either Barack Obama or Ron Paul, and i'm filled with optimism that Barack Obama will improve alot of things wrong about the US and how the US has pissed on the rest of the world, especially on the Muslim world.

What i've noticed about this election, is that for the past 21 months, it has the most sleaziest campaigning in history, and it's so sleazy that it has gotten hilariously dumb. From socialist Muslim calling to Joe the Plumber, i've decided to list down 10 really dumb things about thie election:

1.If you're a member of a White-hating Christ Church, you're definitely a Muslim

You know, the funniest thing about this election, is how people kept calling Barack Obama a Muslim. Now, as a Muslim, i don't find it ofensive, i find it hilarious! Seriously, Barack Obama is a member of the Trinity Church of Christ, whose leader Jeremiah Wright said this:



And that was like during February. And even after the whole Jeremiah Wright fiasco, people are still calling Barack Obama a Muslim:



Republicans still astounds me with their stupidity.

2.A McCain endorsement from "Joe the Plumber" is way awesome than an Obama endorsement from 76 Nobel laureates


Joe the Plumber is not a real plumber, and Joe isn't his first name neither(It's Samuel Joe Wuzelbaucher), but McCain doesn't really give a shit. He used Joe the Plumber as a powerful attack against Obama. John McCain thinks that an endorsement from "Joe the Plumber" will make him have a strong lead in the elections, but Obama's endorsements are way better: He has 76 Nobel Laureates endorsing him! But hey, Mr. Plumber here is a better unique selling point than a bunch of elitist Nobel laureates right?

3.Having the ability to see Russia from your house makes you an expert on foreign politics.


Sarah Palin, the super hot but equally dumb Vice Presidential candidate says that she has foreign policy experience because she lives in Russia, and she can see Russia from her house!



Which kinda surprises me because i didn't know that geography determines your expertise. If having the ability to see a neighbouring country makes you a foreign policy expert, therefore all Singaporeans are experts on Malaysia. Therefore, if i want to get an opinion on Malaysian politics, don't bother reading a Raja Petra Kamaruddin post. Juat ask a Singaporean.

Thank you Sarah Palin!

4.The Flaws of Electronic Voting Machines makes me proud to live in a country that still practices Ballot Paper Democracy!

Back in 2000, when the Electronic Voting Machines were introduced in the US, many people around the world responded by saying "Woah, that looks cool man!".

Sadly, the Electronic Voting Machines were so flawed that the whole of Florida got fucked for a month after the elections. Numerous recounts which were cancelled over and over causes the winner goes to....George W. Bush.

And after 8 years, i kept wondering: Why are they still using these fucking useless machines? Heck, even Al-Jazeera made a report about this:



And it kept me thinking: Hey, thank god Malaysia's still using an effective voting system consisting of only paper ballots. Seriously, i mean you just cross your choice on the paper, put it inside the ballot box and wallah, it works! And if the opposition can get the 2/3ds Majority seat this year, then that is the reason why the paper-ballot system is still working till today. Thank you SPR for not using the electronic voting machine.

5.So you're a female VP candidate for a party that opposes abortion, but have a daughter who's pregnant? Don't abort, marry.

The teen pregnancy sensation occuring in the Gen-Y universe is really disturbing. I as a Gen-Y teenager is shocked to see the amount of stupidity fellow teenagers are getting pregnant day-by-day, country-by-country.

But what's way dumber is how you can cover-up the pregnancy of your own daughter by forcing her to marry the guy who knocked her up. Take Bristol Palin, Sarah Palin's hot daughter. She got knocked up by a guy named Levi Johnson. NOTE: A Teen Pregnancy Case would ruin a political career, but Sarah Palin has a better idea: Force Bristol to marry Levi. Yeah, good job covering it all up. A teen pregnancy is still a teen pregnancy. No matter how much you're trying to make a positive outlook on it, it would still make you a bad mother. "But she took abstinence class!' Yeah, as if abstinence works!

6.If you're smart, educated, upper-middle class and intelligent, then you're an elitist scumbag.

What's dumb about this election is how McCain tries to appeal to Average Joe sixpacks and calling Obama an "Elitist" because McCain wants to relate himself to the Average Joe. Which is kinda dumb i tell ya. They call him elitist because he has that "Harvard fag talk" and the "snob charisma" most Americans envy. But if i were an American, i don't want an Average Joe president, i want an educated president with a Harvard degree. And so what if he's an elitist? And look at this chart, and tell me which one's the elitist:



7.Got no message to say the people? Then steal your opponent's message!

When Barack Obama used terms like "Change" and "Reform" and created slogans like "Change We Can Believe", everyone was wowing at Obama. But what about McCain? What message would McCain say to the people? Well, here's his message:



Which, actually kinda sounds reminds me of this:



Good job stealing a slogan from Obama you old jerk.

8.Carve a B on your face and pretend that Obama supporters bullied the shit out of you.



Last week, some idiot bitch named Ashley Todd lied to the world and said that a bunch of Obama supporters bullied her and carved a B on her face. It was soon revealed to be a hoax, and then McCain's poll rating gone lower because of this stupid scam. However, Of all the stupid things that are wrong with that Ashley Todd scam, this is the one that we just can't get our heads around. Why not an O? It's immediate. It's easy to carve. And you can't do it effing backwards! If it had been an O, we predict that story would have stayed alive through the whole weekend. Instead, they picked it apart within 18 hours. Crazy is one thing, but crazy and stupid? That's just bad politics.

9.Taking money from greedy people and spreading it to the poor makes you a socialist.



If being called an elitist & a Muslim isn't enough, now Obama's being called a SOCIALIST! Why? Because he wants to tax the rich, support unions & spread wealth to poor people. Which kinda reminds me, does John McCain know anything about economics? The difference between socialism & Obama's "spreading the wealth"-esque welfare? Well, to answer that: No.



And yes, that video just compared McCain to Miss Teen South Carolina.
10.French Canadians are now cool!


A comedy duo from Montreal pranked Sarah Palin by pretending to be the President of France Nicolas Sarkozy. Marc-Antoine Audette, one half of the duo, called from radio station CKOI and got through to Palin after trying for days. During the 6-minute conversation, Marc dropped a ton of hints that she was being punk'd. He told Sarah that he loves hunting and killing animals is fun! He also used fake names for Canadian politicians. He also told her that his wife Carla Bruni was "good in bed" and had written a song about Joe the Plumber. He even sang a few notes and Palin still stayed on the line. This would be so much better if furry puppets were re-enacting the phone call. I'm sure someone's going to make that happen. You know that by the end of the day, there will be hundreds of "dramatizations" of this shit!

Below is the cringe-worthy and fucking hilarious audio and click here to read the transcript.



So after this election, after all the fiascos, the attack ads, and the name calling, let's hope that i can continue concentrating for my SPM next week!(And may Obama wins this election)

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