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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

I'll punch anyone who listens to these 5 bands:

What's worse: Today's music or those who listens to today's music? Well if you choose the latter, you're correct. While Hollywood, Hong Kong & The Music of Britain(The MOB) keeps on releasing crap, these two knows how to make their fans look crappier than the crap they're listening two. Here are some 5 bands whose fans i'd like to punch at:

5.The Fray

Music: Sleepy indie music made irritating by mainstream media & Grey's Anatomy. "How to Save A Life" created a new form of torture used in Guantanamo Bay: Irritating Sleep Torture, currently being used in Guantanamo Bay & Kamunting, Perak.

Fans: Anyone who watches Grey's AnatomY. As much as i hate that show, i hate any GAY(Grey's AnatomY) fan who has "How to Save A Life" on their iPods. This song should have been made by Brian Eno and be used for the soundtrack to a Bruce Lee film, not by a bunch of Colorado kids whose song has been used in a shitty overrated drama series.

Better alternative: Radiohead, Brian Eno, Coldplay & any sound that is made by scratching your balls.

4.The Klaxons

Music: Crappy indie music which is considered by the NME as "Nu Rave", eventhough it doesn't sound like rave music at all.

Fans: "Nu Ravers", aka C U N T S. These guys wear shiny rainbow hoodies from Topman and has the personality of bad British yob tourists. They go to Klaxon concerts aka "Nu Raves" where the only sign of a "rave" is basically lots of glowstix and less pops of "e". Actually, to be more clear, a "rave" basically consists of youths like me going to MOS and Global Gathering or even islands like Ibiza where we basically pop Es, watch some glowstick dances and shuffles, and sleep in the middle of the road at night. If anyone calls themselves a "nu raver", i will punch their face, and take a knife and cut off their balls(which is the only good thing about knife crime).

Better alternative: Hadouken, Hot Chip, Nine Inch Nails or any acid house/hard rock fusion bands like New Order or Happy Mondays.

3.The Jonas Brothers

Music: Here's a word: Disney. Therefore, it's basically a boyband trio disguised as a "rock band". If you heard songs like "Mandy" or "SOS" right now in the radio, turn it off, NOW!

Fans: Two words: teenage girls. And since most teenage girls are Jonas Brothers fans, here are some "quotes":

OMG THEYR LYKE SO HOTTT!!!!

OMG YOUR GAY AND JEALOUS BECAUSE JOES & NICK JONAS IS HANDSOME AND YOUR NOT!!!

OMG JOE JONAS, MARRY ME!!!!

OMG (ADD SOMETHING)

If you're an MP reading this right now, please pass a law that will send every female Jonas Brothers fans to the ISA jail in Kamunting. We have learnt fromt he torture of Hanson, should we suffer enough?

Better alternatives: A rant from Khairy Jamaluddin is more listenable than this piece of shit.

2.Any fucking Chinese/Taiwanese/Fuckinese Boy Band

Music: Rap & R&B in Chinese with music videos featuring them doing dances way douchier than New Kids on the Block

Fans: lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs,lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas, ah bengs, lalas and fucking ah bengs!

Better alternatives: A Beijing Soap Opera.

1.Fall Out Boy

Music: Let's see, we've got a closeted gay man and a fat kid singing in a band together, with songs like "Thanks for the Memory" bleeding more ears than a 15 Million BPM Splittercore Track.

Fans: Anyone who's "mainstream" by anyone's definition. Go to a mainstreamer, check out their iPod and if they have "Fall Out Boy" in their playlist, destroy it immediately! Then abduct them and torture so hard that you could make a sequel to Saw or Salo out of it!

Better alternatives: Arctic Monkeys. That's as far as it goes.

If you're offended, then you can go fuck yourselves. Yes, there is a thing called "taste", but in my opinion my taste is better than yours, and your opinion is shit. Thank you.

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